Thanks for reading the too-lengthy OP.
To clarify, when you give your DNA (a cheek swab) to Ancestry.com, this in order to discover if you are really part 1/1024th Indian as Pocahontas Warren did, or related to President/General George Washington, you have to click a little button that says “share” (or not) the information with others. I don’t remember seeing the option and inadvertently made it public, so that distant cousins could find me if they wanted to. (I never said I was smart.) What did I have to hide? Answer: a lot, depending on your POV.
It can actually be kind of fun to discover your roots and long lost cousins. But then you have to worry that some deadbeat or some murderer might write you from prison and tell you that he plans to look up his long lost cousin when he makes parole next year. So a philosophical question poses itself:
“Was it a mistake to help my offspring find me?” For me, the answer is “no,” because it had been eating at this lady to find her “real father” for many years. She’s happy to know it turned out to be me and not, say, Charles Manson or Ted Bundy. I guess she also benefitted from finding out about my own parents’ history of cancer, Parkinsons, and so on. I gave her this info in our first conversation.
But another answer is, yes, it’s a mistake, because the adoptive family adopted the child with the express intention of becoming the “real” and only parents, to the exclusion of the biologicals, and this is what the law countenances.
And then suppose she had not prospered in life and were in fact a depressed, drug addicted combat veteran living on the street in Chicago? Would I not have had some obligation to help her? I think so, yes.